A long time ago, in my other career in Silicon Valley, the division of Nortel where I was employed at the time was joined by a Welshman who, like me, had found his way across the Atlantic and across the continent.  He was very personable, very much a ‘hail-fellow-well-met,’ kind of character.  But those who worked with him noticed something about him that did not endear him to them.  He would greet people with a very enthusiastic, ‘How are you?’ - but seldom paused to hear the response.  In fact after a while we all realised that he was the kind of person who spent far less time listening to a conversation than he did thinking about what he was going to say next.  Actually, this is to some extent normal human behaviour.  All of us, once we start to receive information orally, can’t help thinking about how to react to it.  It’s just that some people can actually listen before launching into a response!  We might all benefit from something to be found in the biblical Book of Proverbs: ‘To answer before listening - that is folly and shame.’

The complete opposite of the enthusiastic Welshman was a young woman who joined our church in Canada.  She had the ability to sit in silence for - well, extended periods of time.  I should acknowledge that this can be disconcerting.  As human beings we become uncomfortable when conversation becomes punctuated by long periods of silence.  However, this young woman’s gift for silence and listening made her into an excellent hospice visitor, where she could sit for hours with someone who was facing death and appreciated company, but did not need to fill the time with meaningless chatter. 

When hospital chaplains are trained, they are often coached in what is called ‘active listening.’  This means paying attention to what someone says, waiting for them to pause, and if any clarification is needed, repeating what has been heard - often as a question: ‘Did I understand correctly that you said …?’  This is important, because when someone is trying to communicate while under duress, or discomfort, or a stressful or painful medical condition, they want to be understood.  Similarly, whether preparing with a couple for a wedding ceremony, or assisting those dealing with the death of a loved one, I have found that taking the time to listen, without interrupting, helps to understand feelings and emotions that need to be expressed, but that are not always easily released. 

On a deeper, spiritual level, the world in which we live is noisy in many ways.  I have found that living in Menorca, which is well endowed with places of quiet and tranquility, offers ample opportunities to go away and - to use another biblical phrase, ‘Be still and know God,’ by being quiet and paying attention to the still, small voice that sometimes struggles to be heard through the racket of our overly busy minds.

We live in a time where listening is not a well-practised skill.  Social media seems to encourage a form of virtual shouting at one another with disdain for alternative opinions that disrupt the self-affirming ‘echo chamber’ effect.  In a recent sermon I reminded the congregation that we are all supposed to be disciples, remembering that a disciple is a learner, and that it isn’t exactly easy to learn without listening.  So it serves us well to do our best to hone our listening skills.  And that might involve dragging in a few other characteristics, as well, such as humility, courage and determination.  

It has been said of the new Pope, Leo XIV, that he has already given proof of a consultative approach to leadership.  As the Italian newspaper La Stampa observed, when the new Pope was forming the new Curia to administer the Holy See, he favoured individual interviews, targeted questions and listening.  Listening would have been of the essence in his years as a grassroots Augustinian missionary in Peru, living with people who were poor, marginalised or in danger, learning to understand their experiences and needs, and helping them to realise their aspirations.  

We may or may not agree with one another, and even though we truly do have more in common than divides us, we are prone to focus on differences and divisions that feed a sort of latent tribalism within us.  From a Christian point of view, we may or may not find it easy to see God’s purpose in even caring for some things or some people, never mind how on earth God can love them, but it doesn’t matter.  It means that we have to be very wary of framing God’s love within the bounds of human understanding and tolerance.  

The Bible is full of examples of those who had to listen with open minds, and in the process not only found themselves illuminated, but turned around and transformed, for their own benefit and for the benefit of others.  If we can train ourselves to listen to one another with a truly open mind, without judging, then we might find that we can understand, empathise and find a balanced perspective – and learn a great deal along the way.  Studies have shown that careful listening, and the way it works with silence, can deepen our understanding of ourselves and others.  It is only through listening and using silence wisely that we can honour the dignity of every person and communicate with empathy and purpose, strengthening relationships and communities, and doing our part to participate in the creation of a world that is more sympathetic, compassionate and cohesive..